Thursday, 5 May 2016

Guilentment and other new words to describe the parental experience

Sometimes there just aren't the right words to describe the ambivalent rollercoaster that is parenthood. I have therefore decided to start a campaign to get a new word into into the Oxford English Dictionary: guilentment. What does this stupid made up urbane new word mean you might ask?

Guilentment (noun)

The experience of guilt and resentment at the same time, especially where the resentment is caused by the guilt. Most commonly experienced by women, esp. mothers.

Related: Guiltentful (adj); Guilent (verb)

Usage Example: "I had a proper moment of guilentment today. I told my husband I was going for a run and he needed to mind our son. He told me he had to do his tax return. I told him it wasn't due for three months and I'd only be half an hour so tough shizzle. He said "shizzle?! What are you, some gangsta rapper?" I said "Shizzle has passed into the popular vernacular I'll have you know. It's probably in the OED these days! Get with the times Grandad!" He said, "Whatever. Go for your run. Just try not to be too long." So I did. And I ran for as long as I could. While feeling quite a large degree of guilentment. [Note to self: work on brevity and relevance of examples]

While I'm at it, I'm fairly sure a few of these should go in too...

Excitehension (noun)

The feeling of simultaneous apprehension and excitement.

Related: Excitehensive (adj)

Usage Example: We're going on holiday to Finland, a beautiful country full of lovely people! We're taking a tantrumy two year old and going with people who don't have kids! Cue massive excitehension! [Bit better?]

Amusitation (noun)


The sensation of irritation and amusement at the same time. Usually triggered by the actions of small children.

Related: Amusitate (verb)

Usage Example: Oh look, my child has made a massive pile of all my clean laundry and is pretending to swim about in it with his shoes still on. He really knows how to amusitate! [Regularly, in so many ways...]

Embarrasside (noun)

The parallel feelings of embarrassment and pride. Most commonly felt while watching offspring do ingeniously naughty things in public, but may also be experienced when given an unexpected and gushing compliment.

Related: Embarrassoud (adjective); Embarrassoudly (adverb).

Usage Example: Jane was exceedingly embarrassoud when her son discovered a speculum in the cupboard at the doctor's and started digging in a plant pot with it. [True story. Sadly not mine. I expect some amusitation may have occurred here too. Is embarrasideamusitation a word too far?]

Sleepergetic (adjective)

Being both sleepy and energetic. This state is most commonly seen in over tired infants but may also be observed in massively sleep deprived parents on manic autopilot.

Related: Sleepergetically (adverb)

Usage Example: "Oh FFS, I told you we should have put him down for a nap at 1 o'clock! Now look, he's absolutely sleepergetic!" [Do the OED allow swearbreviations? Is swearbreviation in the OED??]

Any other suggestions for my campaign?...

No comments:

Post a Comment